Motherhood

Motherhood is hard.  And not, "OMG trig hmwrk is HARD."  But, bring you to your knees hard.  Panic and second-guess and make your heart stop hard.  I knew things like watching my little ones suffer with a fever or get hurt would be hard.  I anticipated that letting them go to school would be heart-wrenching.  What I didn't anticipate was how hard making decisions for my family would be sometimes.

Before kids, I wouldn't have said that I have a particular difficulty making decisions.  I'm a fairly practical person.  I gather knowledge from so-called experts, compare & contrast ideas.  Then make a decision based on my priority of needs and wants.  Simple, right?

Except, suddenly I'm the expert and it seems like what I decide to feed my kids for lunch will directly impact whether or not they are accepted into Harvard.  Don't even get me started on the big stuff like what school to send them to or how exactly to go about teaching them integrity, altruism and loyalty. 

But, I'm the perfect mother for my children.  They are meant to be mine and their father's and we know them like no one else in the world.  So, we know the right things to do for them, we do.  And I believe that, I really do.  Until sometimes, for a little while, I don't.  And I stumble to my knees.  And I spend a little time there.  When I stand up again, I know it.